Jerry

“You cannot choose your family, but you can choose your friends.” (Apologies to Harper Lee.) Like most aphorisms that is true, in a manner of speaking. You are born into a family, or family is born to you. And yes, to a degree you can choose your friends. It gets complicated.

I grew up with a sister and cousins. I had pals in high school, and in college I had a few close friends. But in ranking friendships a rendering occurs. Ed Yong of The Atlantic wrote; “The American novelist S. E. Hinton once said, ‘If you have two friends in your lifetime, you’re lucky. If you have one good friend, you’re more than lucky.’” Friends are those who know you, yet accept and love you; they are there in tough times and glory times; time and distance are rather irrelevant—these friendships remain solid.

Jerry and I had heavy and hilarious times over the years. As roommates at Emory University, we had different habits. I arose at 6:00 a.m. and after my morning ablutions went for breakfast. Back at the dorm, Jerry would have been showing signs of life. One morning, when I awakened, Jerry’s bed was empty. “Bathroom,” I thought. On my way to shower all was silent, and he was nowhere to be found. His clothes, keys, books,—all in place but no Jerry. And, the building was silent. As I headed across campus for breakfast there was no one in sight; silence was all I could hear. For a brief moment, I recalled that Jesus said, “Two men will be sleeping in a room. One will be taken. One will be left.” I quickly tossed that thought—-hoping, “Maybe this is NOT that day!”

As I neared Cox Hall, I saw a gray figure chugging through the early morning fog. It was Jerry—jogging. He had jogged down through the University Primate Center. Jogging is the only endeavour I know of his quitting. Ever. He was a driven, hilarious, intellectual, compassionate, friend.

Fond memories of Jerry include group conversations. When unseemly comments or judgements were made. Jerry, ever the Eagle Scout , would retort, gushing the Scout Law; “A Scout is Trustworthy-Loyal-Helpful-Friendly-Courteous-Kind-Obedient-Cheerful-Thrifty-Brave-Clean-and-Reverent,” making it clear that a moral line had been crossed.

Friendship is on my mind this week. Tuesday, twenty-nine years ago, my friend Jerry, died of heart complications. I think of him often. Sometimes an issue will arise and, I will think, “I should call Jerry about this.” And reality stabs me. He was smart, an Eagle Scout, a United Methodist Minister, and my friend. I miss him still.

The Scripture documents an icon of solid friendship “And Jonathan and David made a covenant together because Jonathan loved David as much as himself.” Whenever I muse over Jerry’s and my friendship, I like to claim it was a reasonable facsimile of Jonathan and David’s.