Elvis sang, “I Did It My Way,” (by French songwriters Claude François and Jacques Revaux:)
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
Oh, and more, much more than this
I did it my way.
That is one way of looking at life. We are offered a similar take on regrets by “theologian,” Marilyn Monroe (yes, THAT Marilyn); she was asked, “If you could live your life again, would you change any part of it?” She pondered for a few moments, and in almost a biblical sense, said “No. I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Think about it. What a waste of time and energy to look back and regret anything: 1) We cannot change the past. 2) We cannot change other people. 3) We are very much like what Thomas a’ Kempis described in The imitation of Christ: Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make your self as you wish to be. Regretting tends to be debilitating. Positive results can come by moving on into improvement.
John Greenleaf Whittier’s poem (very long poem!) Maud Muller is a sad commentary on regrets. It’s a story of two young people, a plain farm maiden, and a handsome town judge; he stops beside the hayfield where she is working. They chat briefly, each rather on the verge of flirting. As he departs, she daydreams of a life she might have with him. He daydreams of a life he might have with her. But, they go their separate ways—and over the years, in vastly different lives, they dream dreams of regret for what never happened.
At the end of the poem (—it does end—) Whittier writes;
Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,
For rich repiner and household drudge!
God pity them both! and pity us all,
Who vainly the dreams of youth recall;
For of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: “It might have been!“(emphasis added)
Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies
Deeply buried from human eyes;
And, in the hereafter, angels may
Roll the stone from its grave away!
Regrets are emotions, of course; there are healthy ways of managing them. Writing in Psychology Today, Alice Boyes Ph.D., said, (Emotions are) designed to come on and then go away. When emotions become sticky, it’s usually because we’re feeding them in some way, through rumination, harsh self-criticism, or avoidance…allow your emotions to naturally work themselves out. Regrets are something like a weed from your past infesting your garden of the present.
The Apostle Paul, writing to the church at Philippi, urged them to put the past behind and press on to the higher calling. Regrets can become a distraction from the present; they can weight a person down—and often do—by what I call “The drearies.” The writer of the book of Hebrews cautioned that it is easy to get weighted down by many things—strip off everything that hinders us, we are told. That is dramatic! Some would call it “Cold Turkey.”
I am reminded of the popular children’s book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; despite its glum, yet catchy title, it points to the positive. We all have bad days at one time or another, and this story leaves its readers with the hopeful message that all bad days do end, eventually. The Psalmist acknowledges that life has its tough times; they do not last forever. As the poet, Alexander Pope posited, Hope springs Eternal in the human breast! (Emphasis mine). Alexander, of the children’s book, ends by saying, I think I’ll go to Australia! The morning brings hope!