Friend

FaceBook renders the meaning of friend virtually vapid. I get FB “Friend Requests” almost daily—-most turn out to be Phishing, or indicators that a real person’s account name on my FaceBook has been hacked. I go to my FB Friend list, and find 99.44/100% of the requests are fake, and I click delete—also I often notify my real friend, whose account has been hacked. I see that some FaceBook members list hundreds, if not thousands of “Friends;” most are simply acquaintances; in some cases the person does not even know the “cyber-friend” —but simply follows that person on FB.

Which raises the question, What is a friend? Most definitions of friendship include terms like intimacy, trust, enduring affection, and esteem; sometimes other qualities are included. These four qualities tend to form four legs of a stable foundation. Merriam-Webster’s first definition of affection, as used here, is a feeling of liking and caring for someone or something : which does not always involve romance. It is a solid concept of having or being a friend. I must quickly add that having friend also means being a friend.

An article in The New York Times reports that British psychologist and anthropologist Robin Dunbar, says that five close friends is key for a nucleus of friends. That number, he indicated, forms a circle of intimacy. I’m convinced that to have a bond of intimacy, trust, enduring affection, and esteem with someone must of necessity be limited to about five persons. In our busy world, it is very difficult, if not impossible to cultivate and maintain those qualities in larger numbers. Forming such a friendship takes time and dedication.

Over the years, I have maintained five, maybe six, friends; Events of life shed and add friendships. Marriages, births, illness, death of a family member—significant family events tend to create strong bonds—happy times, good communication–those relationships grow over decades. These times cement the friendship; even when time passes between visits, when we do reconnect, it is as if only yesterday was our last encounter. This is way past any Social Media friend.

One of the most graphic descriptions of a friendship is in the Gospel of John; Jesus, away on his mission, received word that his friend Lazarus was sick. Upon arriving at Lazarus’s burial plot, John writes that Jesus cried. This famous, grown man, in the company of friends, relatives, and curious onlookers—cried. That is a friend.

Bill Withers sang the true nature of a friend: You just call out my name /And you know, wherever I am / I’ll come runnin’ /To see you again /Winter, spring, summer or fall /All you have to do is call /And I’ll be there. /You’ve got a friend. This answers the question, “What is a friend?”

©Copyright Willis H. Moore 2023