Col. Baker

Last Sunday was All Saints Sunday. As often happens, sacred religious festivals are often hijacked by secular sales promotions. Halloween likely holds the world record for such sales. But I digress. Christian churches around the world observe All Saints Day by remembering family, friends, and acquaintances who have died—usually those who died since the last All Saints Day; COVID -19 upended many observances—confused our days—interrupted appropriate recognition of the deaths of family and friends.

A case in point, the death Col. Richard F. (Dick) Baker, my oldest and closest friend. Our friendship jelled in college. We were fraternity brothers, in college band, earned our Red Cross Water Safety Instructor Certifications together; on one occasion—in my job as student assistant in the college Speech Department—I was recording technician in a couple of performances of their pseudo-“Four Freshmen” concerts (they really did sound like them!)

We kept in touch over the years; his U. S. Marine deployments—Vietnam, Korea, Hawaii; my pastoral appointments around Georgia. When I came to Emory and Columbia to work on my doctorate, He and Joyce, his bride (whom he married during our college days) treated me to delicious home-cooked food! After I moved to Tucker, GA , he and I had breakfast together every Friday morning. Over the next—few short years before he died of cancer—we caught up on and re-lived many of our years past, enjoying our present times together.

Baker was like Barnabas, “The encourager” who stood by the apostle Paul in good and tough times. When you have a friend like that, you wonder: “Was I as good a friend to him!?” Of course one cannot dwell on nor change the past. One can only draw on the past for memories—and future improvement.

Good friendships stand out in history. They are part of social glue creating glorious connections and stories. A dramatic indication of a friendship Jesus had was Lazarus. The Common English Bible makes it clear that Jesus was close to Lazarus. In front of not only family and friends, but also the curious and hecklers—Jesus cried. That’s what we do when we care deeply.

A strangely knit friendship found in the Old Testament is Jonathan, King David’s son. I find it rare that Jonathan, the son of David’s mortal enemy and David were such close friends. I Samuel recounts many of the rich experiences the two friends had over the years.

Jonathan went to great lengths to protect David from Saul, his father. One writer said, “David looked after Jonathan’s children long after he was dead. Great friends do those kinds of things for each other.” True friendships endure great difficulty; in many cases obstacles and hardships weld strong bonds for life. Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., says a crucial element in maintaining an enduring friendship is to forgive yourself and your friend for not being perfect. It is clear that this component was strong in the friendship between Jonathan and David.

You cannot buy true friendship; you cannot concoct true friendship. Psychologists, pundits, and prognosticators offer a plethora of components “necessary” for forming friendships. Some are useful. Basically friendships emerge. What makes them solid draws clues from agriculture; a seed needs good soil, cultivation, irrigation, and care. This is not a Hastings Seed Catalogue for friendships, but friendship needs those components.

©Copyright Willis H. Moore 2022