Anger

Dear Reader, permit me to digress today; one stage of grief is Anger. I want to speak of my anger; later, I will return apace to the raison d’être of this Blog, “Finding Joy in the Journey.”

I am angry. My anger is directed at the horrid disease that took Paige from me. Yesterday, August 20, we would have celebrated our 57th Wedding Anniversary. But Cortico Ganglionic Basal Degeneration flung open a door that took her from me on March 26, 2020. I am angry. My anger is at the disease that cruelly chiseled away Paige’s control of her body. (I thank God her mind continued vibrant). In slow, steady cadence she lost physical usefulness of her body; her beautifully crafted first-grade-teacher-handwriting waned, her gait control lessened; on it continued, at the end, someone else was doing everything but think for her. Now Paige is gone forever and I am angry; at the disease.    

My anger is not at the  helpers, human and otherwise;  I am immensely thankful  for all the medical personnel, research, skill, and facilities that were at our service (and good insurance). I am grateful that Paige, in her final days, did not have to live through this harsh isolation demanded by COVID-19. As our anniversary approached, I began to recognize and confront my anger. The disease is invisible.  I cannot punch it in the nose!, ” It cannot hear, so I cannot shout it away or, as my dad used to say, “Cuss it out!

Anger must be expressed, healed thoroughly, or it will bust out in unsavory, unwelcome ways. The Prophet Jeremiah recognized the need do deal with wounds; anger or otherwise. “They have healed also the hurt of the daughter of my people slightly, saying, Peace, peace; when there is no peace.“(Jeremiah 6:14)

As a clergyman, I have read books on grief; I’ve done grief counseling for over sixty years. I know  the stages of grief; but the stages of grief are not self-evident, nor neatly paced; I am not holding a textbook in hand. What enlightened me was a comment from a Hospice; counselor, “You have been grieving for over four years; you had Anticipatory Grief.” This was an epiphany for me; I can see why I had not felt/displayed familiar grief behavior following the death of my beloved. My grief has been like an underground leaky pipe; gradually revealing its random, silent, seepage. Grief must be acknowledged in a healthy manner. It is real. I am angry.     

I am angry. I chose to sublimate my anger. Writing tends to provide a more therapeutic if not refined, emotional outlet. For some it is a diary, or expressing feelings through writing; others write letters (sent or unsent). Psychologist, James Pennebaker, encourages “emotionally expressive writing”. Choose whatever healthy medium that appropriately expresses your anger; writing or otherwise; it will tend to heal your hurt, and help you, and give you hope. (firidayswithwillis.com will not become a vent for my grief; I’ve found healthy means of dealing with it without spewing onto others.)

When Adam Walsh was kidnapped and murdered, his father, Television Host, John Walsh, dealt with his anger in a healthy, helpful manner; he chose to help others. He is primarily responsible for the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act enacted by Congress, July 27. 2006. Not only did it help his anger, it is helping millions of people. John Walsh found a magnificent way to express his anger and hurt. Anger is a natural, even necessary emotion. Its expression, however must be healthy, channeled constructively and non-hurtful to its host and others. Jesus got angry; angry at the abuses, the desecration, the unfairness being dealt out in the Temple. He took a rope and cleared house, expressing his anger visibly.

This COVID-19 Pandemic generates a spectrum of genuine anger; you, my dear reader, are angry, unless I’m wrong. Please find ways for help, hope, and humor. Find help; find reasons to hope; find ways to laugh. Thankfully, many are finding healthy, helpful, and sometimes humorous means of expressing their anger. It is the right thing to do. In this Pandemic catastrophe, “…look,” as Mr. Rogers said, “for the helpers.” We will get through it. “Find Joy in the Journey.”

 

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